my phone needs a breathalizer
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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