using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In other news, I just burned my penis
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
