At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
