I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
