i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
