At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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