i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
