At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
