he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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