I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Still dying that you shit outside
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
