I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
