You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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