I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
