My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
