While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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