I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
