We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
