im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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