based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
