two words: eviction party
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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