Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
