he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
