some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
