Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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