First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
