hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
