you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
