I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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