he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Two words: nipple clamps
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