singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
