If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
