Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
