We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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