then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
