You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
