went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
