my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
