we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
