You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
