If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
