He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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