was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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