don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
