i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
