i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
