Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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