I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
