Kiss
Puke
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
