Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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