Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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