You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
