just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
