oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
