Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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